And He's Gone...

There is this Christian youth gathering that Great Falls Christian Center (GFCC) is apart of called Vision. This year Vision was held at GFCC and I had the duty of video taping it. At first I didn't think it effected me because I was running around trying to get cool shots.

But after Vision things started sinking in. I was literally changed, I had a thirst for God that could not be quenched. I went out and bought a Bible and set out to read it from front to back. I wanted to know everything. My wife and I started reading Purpose Driven Life. If we weren't reading books about God, we were watching movies about him like, Kingdom of Heaven, Michael, The Matrix, The Ultimate Gift, Facing Giants, and Fireproof. Anything I could get my hands on. While I was doing all this, I could feel God. He was right there, by my side, enjoying me, enjoying him.

I started feeling like God was telling me to write a talk about how I had not saved myself for marriage, while my wife had, and how that effected me. I didn't really know if it would be used, but I had to do it.

Then I prepared to be baptised to demonstrate my commitment to God and the church, also to be reborn. The day of the baptism came. I went into the class, my stomach was twisting in excitement. The class ended, and now was the time to step into the tub and be reborn.

The water was warm and comforting, sitting there I knew everything was about to change. The Pastor dunked my head under the water and in an instant I was pulled back up. I felt happy, renewed, I could feel my heart pumping. That's when I stepped out of the tub..... COOOOOOOOOLD!!! Which is a good metaphor, with God it's warm and comforting, but out in the world alone it's COLD!!! Anyway, back to the point. I got dressed and went about my day. It was one of the best days. I felt like a new man why wouldn't it be a great day.

That night I said my prayers and fell asleep knowing that tomorrow everything would be different and it was.

I woke up and something was missing. God had left me... Well, he never leaves, but I didn't feel him around. What do you do when God leaves? If you're me you kinda have a hissy fit. I was so sour the entire day. Jenn kept asking me "What's wrong?" And I really didn't know.

It finally hit me at the gas station. I had gone in to buy some drinks and gum. The cashier gave me too much change, and I started to walk out, not knowing he had, but something told me to recount the cash. I had an extra two dollars, my car was right there all I had to do was get in the car. I knew this was a test, I walked back in the store and gave the cashier the two extra dollars.

God, had decided to test me in a very real way that day. And he didn't come back as strong as he was right after Vision. Actually, most days I don't feel God around, but it's part of his on going test with me. Will I continue to read the Bible and try to follow his path? Well, I am. I used to hate reading the Bible when I was young, but now I love it because I know God is around even when I don't feel him.

The thing is you have to stay faithful. You have to keep trying to find ways of keeping the relationship interesting. Living with God is just like being married. It is something you have to keep working on. And God will show himself to you. He gave me a seasonal job that turned into a steady job. Also he is giving me a chance to tell my story about staying pure, so maybe others can stay away from the mistakes I have made. He is always around, it's just sometimes He plays hard to get. Yeah, it keeps things interesting, just keep that in mind next time he "vanishes".